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Hi roymnel, see you didn’t receive any replies to your plea for help, but as a fellow Aspie who is figuring this out want to both encourage you and offer some advice on how to proceed forward.
I feel for your yearning for intimacy and a relationship. You bared your heart and said exactly what you feel. But as you are experiencing, Aspies can be horrible finding it.
Developing emotional intimacy is NOT our strong suit. In the NT world you hear about people who get married after 3 weeks etc. It is a crazy exception to the rule. The fact of the matter is that most women need many weeks, to several months to, based on their experiences with men, even years to develop the trust and openness you are desiring and demonstrating. It does not happen over 1-2 common interests like techno or food. It is so so so so much deeper than that. Friends in my 20s said this: getting married is like having a baby. To do it right it takes 9 months.
I would suggest you adapt your thoughts about a relationship and marriage to that timeline, and the process to that timeline. It is probably hundreds of times slower than you want. But that is how NT women work. They will not adapt to you. You have to adapt to them.
We don’t get it because our feelings and emotions are skewed. We are more like Mr. Spock: black and white data without emotions. We see connections and immwdiately make them. But NT people don’t work that way. THEY ASSIGN EMOTIONS TO FACTS. It is SO frustrating. But as a result what seems obvious to us, their emotions get in the way and slow them down. It is both bad and good. We get to data based answers much faster because I normally don’t care about any emotional impact (my or their pride, abilities, reputation, etc.) and slow down for them. But we also can been seen as being either arrogant, know it all, jumping to conclusions, or even scary (we say “Can’t you see that?” Or “It is so obvious”) that cause NT people to get upset at us or even run away. As you have experienced.
A woman who doesn’t know you will not invest the time in a stranger. They have their own needs and desires, and without knowing you they see their paths to finding their dreams more achievable.
We are rule based people. We make routines and religiously follow them. My last suggestion is to find an ASD therapist and work through these issues with him/her. You need to recreate your timing and expectations regarding relationships to fit the NT world as well as learn the mechanics of how to build emotional intimacy with other people. Sorry. It is not easy and will not make sense. But it works.
I wish all the best for you roymnel as you pursue your dream and hope you find the happiness you seek.