Lost_Navigator, I certainly hear what you’re saying, particularly in these ways — “there’s been little comfort in it and little progress” and “inability to interpret statements that are normal conversation to other people” and especially “I sometimes wonder if this marriage will be the end of me.” You just made me feel normal and understood, so thank you very much for that! We partners definitely need more help from within society.
My H and I have had more ridiculous arguments over that inability to interpret statements than enough. He doesn’t understand “normal” conversation flow, redirects it back to or makes it all about him and HIS feelings all the time, and hears criticism in nearly every single comment I make. Then he starts a fight with me over it and won’t END it either, despite my painstakingly explaining each time (a) the actual SEQUENCE of our conversation (he mixes that up to suit his own agendas), and (b) WHY I said any given thing (like a narcissist, he talks like HE knows my head & heart better than I do). He simply refuses to accept any of this, or the fact that his default mode is to first filter everything as a criticism, then to hang onto that skewed view no matter what. It’s infuriating and unworkable to deal with this, eternally. Lately, he’s also using his diagnosis as an EXCUSE for not doing or owning his part, saying “we both know I’m not wired that way” when I’m trying to reach out to him for a rational discussion and repair.
So similarly to you, I keep wondering if I either must just get out, or die earlier on from the results of his behaviour on my mind/body/spirit. HE certainly doesn’t seem to care either way, as he’s said several times he’d be “fine” alone, and threatens divorce when he doesn’t get his way whenever he’s hurt me the most. (but as I said in another thread, this doesn’t sound like only Asperger’s, since there’s often no true remorse, humility, or even embarrassment evidenced by him afterwards) I’m at the point now where I’m finally and actually losing that loving feeling about him and no longer desperately trying to keep it alive. Let his actions prove or disprove if I’m worth his while to keep hanging on after all these years of a one-sided ‘relationship.’