Creating Your Relationship Success Plan

Building Your Sustainable Relationship Success Plan

Congratulations! You’ve completed six lessons on building a strong neurodiverse relationship. Now
it’s time to synthesize everything into a personalized, sustainable action plan for YOUR unique
partnership.

 

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Taking Stock: Where Are You Now?

Relationship Strengths Assessment

Consider what’s already working:

Communication:

• What communication practices are effective?
• When do you feel heard and understood?

Connection:

• When do you feel most connected?
• What activities bring you together?

Conflict:

• What helps you resolve disagreements?
• What repair strategies work?

Intimacy:

• What types of intimacy come naturally?
• When do you feel closest?

Daily Life:

• What routines and practices support you?
• What makes daily life flow smoothly?

Understanding:

• How has your understanding of each other grown?
• What insights have been most helpful?

Examples of Strengths:

• “We’re both committed to making this work”
• “We can laugh together even during hard times”
• “We’ve gotten better at using the clarification loop”
• “We respect each other’s need for alone time”
• “We share intellectual interests that connect us”
• “We’re both willing to learn and adapt”
• “We’ve created routines that work for both of us”
• “We’re better at addressing conflicts now”

Write down at least 5-10 strengths. These are your foundation.

Growth Areas Assessment

Identify where you need the most support:

Communication:

• Where do misunderstandings still happen?
• What communication tools need more practice?
• Sensory/Emotional:
• What triggers remain challenging?
• What accommodations are still needed?

Routines:

• Where do you clash over structure vs. flexibility?
• What routine adjustments are needed?

Intimacy:

• What aspects need attention?
• What types of intimacy need nurturing?

Conflict:

• What patterns keep repeating?
• What resolution strategies need work?

Daily Life:

• What practical issues cause stress?
• What systems need improvement?

Examples of Growth Areas:

• “We still struggle with last-minute plan changes”
• “Intimacy frequency is a recurring issue”
• “I shut down during conflicts and we don’t repair well”
• “We don’t make time for regular check-ins”
• “Household division of labor causes resentment”
• “We need better strategies for social events”
• “Sensory accommodations aren’t consistent”
• “We forget to use our communication tools”

Write down 3-5 priority growth areas. You can’t work on everything at once.

 

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The Three Pillars of Relationship Success

Pillar 1: Consistent Communication

Communication isn’t a one-time fix—it’s an ongoing practice.

Daily Check-In (5-10 minutes)

Purpose: Stay connected and prevent buildup

Format:

• Set regular time (morning coffee, after dinner, before bed)
• Each person shares:
• One positive from the day
• One challenge or concern
• One need for today/tomorrow
• No problemsolving unless requested
• Just listening and acknowledging

Example:

Partner A:

• • Positive: I finished that project.
  • Challenge: I’m exhausted.
  • Need: Quiet evening at home.

Partner B:

• • Positive: Good conversation with a friend.
  • Challenge: Worried about upcoming social event.
  • Need: Help planning what to wear.

Weekly Relationship Meeting (30-60 minutes)

Purpose: Address issues, plan ahead, maintain connection

Agenda:

1. Appreciations (5 min): Each person shares what they appreciated about the other this week
2. Review (10 min): How did our agreements work this week?
3. Concerns (15 min): Any issues to address? Use XYZ formula
4. Planning (15 min): Week ahead—schedule, commitments, needs
5. Connection (10 min): Plan quality time together
6. Closing (5 min): Reaffirm commitment, end positively

Tips:

• Schedule it like any important appointment
• No phones or distractions
• Take notes on agreements
• Keep it solution-focused, not blame-focused

Monthly Deep Dive (1-2 hours)

Purpose: Review big picture, adjust strategies, reconnect with vision

Topics:

• How are we doing overall?
• What agreements need adjustment?
• Are we meeting each other’s needs?
• What do we want to focus on next month?
• How’s our intimacy (all types)? 
• What support do we need?
• Are we on track with our relationship vision?

Pillar 2: Proactive Maintenance

Don’t wait for problems to address your relationship.

Individual Self-Care Supporting Relationship:

• Sensory regulation: Tools and practices for managing sensory load
• Emotional regulation: Strategies for processing emotions
• Alone time: Regular recharging time for each partner
• Special interests: Space for individual passions
• Energy management: Recognizing and honoring energy levels
• Physical health: Sleep, nutrition, exercise affecting relationship capacity

Relationship Maintenance:

• Honor routines while allowing flexibility: Use planned flexibility framework
• Nurture all five types of intimacy: Physical, emotional, intellectual, experiential, spiritual
• Prevent conflict: Use awareness and proactive communication
• Schedule quality time: Protect couple time from other demands
• Celebrate small wins: Notice and acknowledge progress
• Express appreciation daily: Build culture of gratitude
• Use repair rituals: Even after minor ruptures

Environmental Management:

• Sensory-friendly home spaces: Quiet zones, lighting, sound management
• Visual schedules and shared calendars: Making plans visible
• Buffer time: Recovery time after demanding activities
• Backup plans: Strategies for when things don’t go as planned
• Organized systems: Reducing executive function demands

Pillar 3: Repair and Resilience

How you handle difficulties matters more than avoiding them.

Quick Repair:

• Address ruptures immediately—don’t let issues fester
• Use Repair Ritual after every conflict, even small ones
• Apologize and take responsibility for your part
• Reconnect intentionally after difficult moments

Learning and Adapting:

• Debrief after conflicts: What worked? What didn’t?
• Adjust strategies based on what you learn
• Be willing to try new approaches
• Recognize patterns and triggers
• Celebrate when you handle something better than before

Seeking Support:

• Professional: Therapists specializing in neurodiverse couples
• Community: Support groups and online forums
• Educational: Books, podcasts, workshops
• Personal: Trusted friends and family
• Medical: When mental health support is needed

Know when you need help. Getting support is strength, not weakness.

 

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Building Your Support System

Professional Support

When to seek professional help:

• Patterns repeat despite your best efforts
• Trauma or mental health concerns are present
• Feeling stuck and don’t know how to move forward
• Need skill-building in specific areas
• Either partner requests it
• Pre-marital or relationship counseling
• Major life transitions

Finding the right therapist:

• Look for specialization in neurodiverse couples
• Ask about their experience with ASD
• Ensure they understand neurodiversity-affirming approaches
• Check if they offer teletherapy options

Community Support

• Online forums: Reddit, Facebook groups, Wrong Planet
• Local support groups: GRASP, Meetup groups
• Workshops and conferences: Learning opportunities
• Online communities: Sharing experiences and strategies

Educational Resources

• Continue learning:
• Books by autistic authors
• Podcasts about neurodiversity
• Research on ASD and relationships
• Blogs and articles
• YouTube channels
• Online courses

Trusted Personal Network

• Friends who understand and support you
• Family members who are allies
• Other neurodiverse couples
• People who don’t judge or take sides
• Those who celebrate your relationship

 

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Your Relationship Vision

Create Your Shared Vision

Answer these questions together:

Where do we want to be in 6 months?

• What would make us feel more connected?
• What do we want to have accomplished?
• What practices do we want established?

Where do we want to be in 1 year?

• What growth are we hoping for?
• What challenges do we want to have navigated?
• How do we want to feel about our relationship?

Where do we want to be in 5 years?

• What’s our bigger vision?
• What kind of partnership are we building?
• What legacy are we creating together?

Vision Components:

Individual Dreams:

• Partner A’s personal goals
• Partner B’s personal goals
• How we support each other’s individual growth

Shared Dreams:

• What we want to build together
• Experiences we want to share 
• Values we want to live by

Success Indicators: 

• What will tell us we’re on track? 
• What metrics matter to US (not society)?
• How will we know we’re thriving?

Write your vision down. Return to it regularly. Let it guide your decisions.

 

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Action Tasks

Task 1: Strengths and Growth Assessment (Individual, then Together)

Individual:

• List 5-10 relationship strengths
• List 3-5 priority growth areas

Together: 

• Share your lists 
• Find common themes 
• Celebrate strengths 
• Prioritize growth areas

Task 2: Implement the Three Pillars (Together)

Pillar 1: Schedule Communication Practices 

• Daily Check-In: ___ (time) 
• Weekly Meeting: ___ (day/time)
• Monthly Deep Dive: ___ (date)

Put these in your shared calendar NOW.

Pillar 2: Identify Maintenance Practices 

• Individual self-care each partner needs
• Relationship maintenance practices
• Environmental improvements to make

Choose 3 to implement this month.

Pillar 3: Set Up Repair and Support 

• Review Repair Ritual—post it visibly 
• Identify one support resource to connect with 
• Schedule check-ins on how repair is working

Task 3: Build Your Support System (This Month)

Professional: 

• Research therapists specializing in neurodiverse couples
• Decide if professional support would be helpful 
• Make first appointment if desired

Community: 

• Join one online support group 
• Attend one virtual or in-person event 
• Connect with one other neurodiverse couple

Educational: 

• Choose one book to read together 
• Find one podcast to listen to 
• Subscribe to one resource

Personal: 

• Identify 2-3 trusted supporters 
• Share with them what you’re learning 
• Ask for their support

Task 4: Create Your Relationship Vision (Together)

Set aside 1-2 hours for this important conversation:

Answer: 

• Where do we want to be in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? 
• What does success look like for OUR relationship? 
• What are our individual dreams? 
• What are our shared dreams? 
• How will we support each other?

Write your vision: 

• Create a vision statement 
• Make it specific and meaningful 
• Return to it monthly 
• Revise as you grow

Task 5: Create Your 30-Day Action Plan (Together)

Based on your priority growth areas, what will you do in the next 30 days?

Week 1: 1. 2. 3. ___

Week 2: 1. 2. 3. ___

Week 3: 1. 2. 3. ___

Week 4: 1. 2. 3. ___

Make these specific, actionable, and realistic.

Task 6: Set Up Accountability (Together)

How will we track progress? 

• Shared document? App? Notebook? 
• Weekly progress check?
• Monthly review?

How will we support each other?

• Reminders? 
• Encouragement? 
• Gentle accountability?

How will we celebrate progress? 

• Weekly acknowledgment? 
• Monthly celebration? 
• Rewarding milestones?

Task 7: Course Review and Integration (Individual)

Reflect on your journey through this course: 

• What was the most valuable lesson?
• What surprised you most? 
• What will you definitely implement? 
• What do you need to revisit? 
• How has your understanding changed? 
• What gives you hope?

Share your reflections with your partner.

 

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Review Questions

1. What are your top 5 relationship strengths?

How can you build on these?

2. What are your 3 priority growth areas?

What specific strategies will address each?

3. What are the Three Pillars of Relationship Success?

Which pillar needs the most attention in your relationship?

4. Describe your Daily Check-In practice

When will you do it? What will you include?

5. What does your Weekly Relationship Meeting look like?

When is it scheduled? What’s the agenda?

6. Why is proactive maintenance important?

What maintenance practices will you prioritize?

7. How will you handle ruptures and conflicts going forward?

What repair strategies will you use?

8. What support resources will you access?

Professional? Community? Educational? Personal?

9. What is your relationship vision?

Where do you want to be in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years?

10. What are your next 3 action steps?

What will you do this week? This month?

 

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Moving Forward

You have completed this course. You have the tools, the understanding, and a plan.

Now comes the most important part: Consistent practice.

Remember: 

• Progress, not perfection – You won’t get it right every time 
• Small wins matter – Celebrate every improvement 
• Be patient – Change takes time 
• Stay curious – Keep learning about each other 
• Ask for help – Support is available 
• Believe in your relationship – You can do this

Your neurodiverse relationship can thrive. You’re building something beautiful and unique.

Thank you for taking this journey. Your relationship is worth every bit of effort you invest in it.

 

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Course Complete!

Now go build your strong, fulfilling, deeply connected neurodiverse relationship.