If you’ve spent most of your life with a quiet, persistent sense that you’re different from the people around you — not in a way you can easily name, but in a way that colors almost everything — you’re describing one of the most common experiences that brings adults to my practice.
Many of the adults I work with haven’t come because of a single crisis. They come because the accumulation of a lifetime — of masking, of adapting, of performing a version of themselves that doesn’t quite feel authentic — has finally reached a point where they need to understand what’s underneath. The question isn’t always ‘Am I autistic?’ Sometimes it’s simpler and more fundamental: ‘Who am I, really?’
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You've always felt like you were observing social life from the outside, studying the rules rather than instinctively knowing them
You've constructed a persona — how to act, what to say, how to present — and it works, but it doesn't feel like you
You feel like an impostor in your own life, even when you're successful by external measures
You've tried to fit into groups, communities, or roles, but never quite felt like you belonged
You're exhausted by the gap between who you are in private and who you present in public
You've been described as 'quirky,' 'intense,' 'too sensitive,' or 'an old soul'
You've read about autism or neurodivergence and felt a shock of recognition
You're at a point in life where maintaining the performance feels less and less sustainable
If these descriptions resonate, the feeling of being different may not be a personality flaw or a failure of effort. It may be a reflection of a neurological difference that’s been there all along — and understanding it can change everything.
For autistic adults who went undiagnosed through childhood, adolescence, and often well into adulthood, identity development takes a particular shape. Without knowing they’re autistic, many adults build their sense of self around adaptation — around the mask rather than the face behind it. They become skilled at reading situations and performing accordingly, but the cost is a growing disconnection from their authentic experience.
Over time, this disconnection can become its own source of suffering. You may feel successful but empty. Connected to others but fundamentally alone. Competent but exhausted. The world sees someone who has it together; internally, you feel like you’re running on fumes.
Understanding autism provides a different explanation. It doesn’t erase the difficulties, but it reframes them. Instead of ‘I’m broken,’ the understanding becomes ‘My brain works differently, and I’ve been trying to operate without knowing that.’ For many adults, this reframing is profoundly liberating.
Exploring the connection between autism and your sense of identity isn’t self-indulgent. It’s practical. When you understand why you’ve felt different, you can stop spending energy trying to fix something that was never broken and start building a life that actually fits who you are.
This might mean making different choices about your career, your relationships, your social life, or simply how you spend your time. It might mean giving yourself permission to need what you need — quiet, routine, solitude, depth over breadth — without apology.
I offer comprehensive autism assessments for adults via secure telehealth, available anywhere in California. My assessment process is designed for adults who are often high-functioning, articulate, and skilled at masking — exactly the profile that traditional screening tools sometimes miss.
For adults who already know they’re autistic and are working through questions of identity, self-understanding, and authenticity, individual therapy provides a space to explore these questions with a provider who understands the autistic experience from a strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming perspective.
Telehealth only (no in-office visits)
Licensed in California only
Whether you’re seeking targeted skill-building, help navigating work or relationships, or a space to better understand yourself, therapy can help.
A: Yes. A lifelong sense of being different, of not fitting in despite trying, is one of the most commonly reported experiences among adults who are eventually diagnosed with autism.
A: Absolutely. Many autistic adults are highly accomplished. Success doesn’t rule out autism — it often reflects the effort and energy invested in compensating for neurological differences.
A: After the assessment, you receive a clear determination of whether autism is part of your experience, along with a detailed report. From there, some adults pursue therapy while others simply use the understanding to make more informed choices about their lives.
A: Yes. All of my services are 100% virtual via secure video, available to adults anywhere in California.